just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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