Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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