Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
