i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
