I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize