he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
false alarm, still single
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