so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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