i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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