Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
