I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize