smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
