a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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