i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
