well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Randomize
