hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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