What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
