Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
