Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
