yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
