she was so not down for the gang bang
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
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There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
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I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
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