I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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