his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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