Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
