last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
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You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
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why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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