Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Randomize
