Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
whose parrot is this?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
