ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
