I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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