I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
