I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize