That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
