Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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