I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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