Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
