He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Randomize
