Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
How naked do you want me to be?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
