He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
