You're a womanizer and a bitch.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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