Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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