My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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