U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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