I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
