im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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