Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
you made out with another girl for some wings
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
