Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
