i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Randomize
