I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
