White coat. Heels.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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