Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
only if we run a train.
done.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
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She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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