If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
