I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
