you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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