definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
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Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
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I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
where are my eyebrows?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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