You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
