maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize