i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
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