just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
