i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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