bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
