i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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