3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Randomize
