Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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